


Uhh.. that's pretty gay, you know.

by fishslipper



Category: Tiny Meat Gang (Band)
Genre: Blowjobs, Coming Out, F/M, GAY GAY GAY, M/M, breaking up, cody is oblivious, hmm idk what else to tag, kelsey and aleena im sorry.., maybe a bit of internalized homophobia, noel is fucking done okay, pressure here and there, theres little to no fluff and i'm deeply sorry, this is just them coming to terms with eachother, this is.. gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-30
Updated: 2019-07-30
Packaged: 2020-07-27 10:02:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20044153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fishslipper/pseuds/fishslipper
Summary: Cody sees Noel making out with a dude and starts to question himself and their friendship. (And maybe his sexuality but uhhh that's a given, right.)





	Uhh.. that's pretty gay, you know.

**Author's Note:**

> this was written months ago when everyone was finding cody and noels content and i was one of them and i kinda fell for the two.  
In no way or form do i ship them in real life i just think their dynamic is admirable. Yeah
> 
> Oh also, i wrote this without proof reading, i only scanned over it yesterday when i was drunk bc i remembered i still had this flying around so ugh yehsbdj
> 
> With that being said lets get into it:

Honestly speaking, Cody never thought he would be in this situation. Particularly the one situation, where he catches his best friend - Noel - making out with some random dude in a club.  
Codys brain feels fried.  
First of all, didn't Noel have a girlfriend? Or did Cody just forget that Noel maybe told him that they broke up? No, he was pretty sure that this never happened.  
And second of all, since when does Noel like gay shit. Not that Cody was against being gay, no. People love who they want, he had no business in judging them. Hell, he was happy his girlfriend, a 22/10, liked him, a 5/10 maybe, enough to put up with him on a daily dose.

Back to the topic.

Why was he in the club anyways? He hated clubbing. Getting drunk and pressing against sweaty people to dance to mediocre remixed chart music. Sometimes not even well done.  
Kelsey dragged him along. She wanted to go. And she had the right to go. But she felt unsafe going alone and honestly, Cody was afraid she'd find someone better. Eventhough he would never fucking admit that he's just your general insecure white man unhappy with his looks. But then again, he knew he looked good, right? He could ask Noel that. He would write a whole ass roman just to push Codys ego.

Leaning against his hand at the bar, he watches Noel further making out with that dude. He didn't even look that good, Cody noticed. His face was mostly covered by Noels head, but the rest of his body? He was probably working out every day and night judging by his arms and upper body. Cody was a little jealous. Okay, maybe he looked pretty good. Cody would go for someone like that, too. Or Noel. Maybe. If he was gay, which he obviously was not.  
He took a sip from his drink and turned around to look for his girlfriend, who was having fun on the dance floor. Cody decided he should join her and walked over to her.  
Dancing close with Kelsey was nice, she had perfume on which made its way into Codys nose. She looked beautiful in the color changing club lights. He dipped down to kiss her, softly.  
She smiles against his lips, arms crossing behind his neck hanging loosely.  
Cody opens his eyes during the kiss and suddenly sees Noel.  
Standing there a few feet away from him, looking at him, with the guy kissing his neck from behind.

Cody proceeded on kissing Kelsey, never looking away from Noel.  
This was weirdly competitive. So weird, it turned him on in a way, he doesn't know how to describe.  
Maybe because Cody wanted to kiss Noel since he saw him earlier that evening.  
Or maybe because Noel pulled the head of that guy up to his to kiss him, still watching Cody.  
Even though they stood far from each other, Cody could see that Noels lids were hanging low and fuck, honestly the look he gave Cody was insane. Noel knew damn well how to play that game and well, Cody didn't.  
So it only resulted in him barely kissing back anymore instead watching Noel and stranger guy almost grinding on each other. This was hot.

Cody felt sick. Pushing Kelsey a little harsh away, he muttered a quick "Think I'm gonna throw up" before running out.  
And that's what he did, throw up outside of the club with Kelsey behind him, her soft warm hand on his shoulder. Comforting.

The night sky was changing his image to a pink and red almost dipping into orange color range, when Cody and Kelsey were on their way home.  
That night was weird. And he couldn't really sleep, because everytime he close his eyes he saw Noels low hanging lids looking into his direction. Fuck.

*

They didn't talk about what happened that night. Cody, too afraid of what could happen if they did, was just simply hoping Noel forgot it happened anyways.

Right now he was scrolling through his instagram, always a little cautious because he was stalking Noels following to find that guy.  
He already did his research on Aleena and it really seemed like they broke up. Why doesn't Noel talk about it? Aren't they best friends or some shit? And Cody always made sure they told eachother everything.

Noel was a really weird guy. When Cody had met him he immediately clicked with him. But not in the way of telling the other secrets all night long, no, they clicked in a way were silence would be enough between them. In the beginning Noel didn't talk much about himself and Cody quickly noticed how insecure he was. But little by little Cody managed to make Noel comfortable around him, so comfortable he appreciated himself a little more each time they saw each other.

"Hey uh.. is everything alright with Aleena? You don't talk about her a lot anymore-" "We broke up." It's short, harsh. In a way that implied that Cody should be satisfied with this answer and not ask any further questions. But he wasn't.  
"Fuck.. uh. That sucks. Why's that?" He looks up curious to find Noel staring on his phone, then swiping with his thumb to the left a few times.  
"I don't know.. Sometimes you grow apart." And it's not because you're gay?, Cody wants to ask. But doesn't. "Yeah, that's true. If you wanna talk or some shit, I'm here, right." Cody suggested but Noel suddenly smiled, swiping right.  
"Nah, man. 'Is fine really. It wasn't going well for a while.. so I kinda knew it would happen." He looks up and right into Codys eyes. Did Cody ever mention how much he liked Noels eyes? No, probably not. But they were pretty beautiful. And unique at that, too. Bright brown and sometimes the sun would dip them into a soft orange. Cody liked them a lot.  
"Okay uh right. Okay. You wanna order something? Pizza or some shit? I know how break ups feel okay, wether or not you knew it would happen. Let me treat you." Noels brows curved up surprised, before he started laughing. And holy shit, if Cody wasn't straight Noel's smile would sent him 100% to hell. He looked so beautiful, with his teeth showing when he laughed about something Cody said, it was unbearable.

"Yeah, please treat me, Cody." That sounded wrong.  
"Okay!" This too enthusiastic.

Fuck. He wasn't like into Noel, right. Finding your best friend hot was normal. Pretty normal. Kelsey talks about her hot friends too. And how their outfits are fire. Or something. Noel was fire, too. Fire Cody was willing to get burned by.

So they didn't order anything, but went out with Kelsey to eat at mcdonalds. If Kelsey knew about Noel and Aleena? Cody couldn't tell. Well, to be fair Cody's pretty oblivious when it comes to reading peoples expressions.  
Cody ordered nothing, he wasn't hungry. His stomach still made him feel weird. Kelsey gently rubbed his back. "Poor baby. All hungover." She chuckled and Noel joined her in laughing. Cody frowned and rolled his eyes.

The other two ordered quickly and they sat down at a table.  
"So? Noel where's Aleena?" Kelsey questioned and Noel sighed. "Long story short: we broke up." Noel said, connecting the straw of his milkshake with his lips.  
Cody stared. Again. Great.

_Hey @Codys brain how about you do something good for once, stupid fuck._

Kelsey turned toward Cody to give him a look. "Why didn't you tell me? Fuck, sorry Noel." "Because I didn't know either!" Cody replied defensive and Noel just said "It's fine, guys." softly.

After they had eaten Kelsey announced that she had to go to the toilet. She went and left the two boys alone.  
Noel was still not finished with his milkshake and honestly Cody didn't dare to look. He couldn't. He shouldn't. And yet he did.  
Look at Noels lips, which glistened a little because he probably licked over them before sucking again.  
Uh oh.  
Codys breath hitched and he closed his eyes, hands coming to cover his face.

"You good?" He heard Noels voice. Cody shook his head. "Can you.. can you stop drinking your milkshake maybe?"  
Noel raised an eyebrow, before wetting his lips again. Cody following the movement of his tongue. Noel squinted.  
"Why?" He asks in an innocent voice smiling, which made Cody want to squirm in his seat.  
"Because it looks like you're-" "Hey guys we can leave now!" Kelsey exclaimed as she came back, finally. Saving Cody.

Internally Cody was celebrating that he didn't have to watch Noel drinking his milkshake anymore. Externally he looked tired. He just wanted to go home and sleep honestly.

He drove Kelsey home and goodbyed her with a longing kiss. Fuck, this wasn't the same anymore.  
It's been not even two weeks since he saw Noel making out seductively with this dude in the club, so hot it left Cody breathless and here he was. Not getting satisfaction anymore from kissing his girlfriend.

He sat down in his car and looked to his right. Noel was sitting there playing with his phone until he noticed Cody staring.  
"What?"  
And suddenly Cody thought about that day in the club and about earlier and how just wanted to kiss Noel so fucking bad. He needed to kiss his best friend. Maybe he wanted the same? But Cody isn't gay or anything.

He turned away.  
"Nothing."

They drove a while, Codys destination was Noels house. He was bringing him home. Not risking having him over at his place.

"Hey, Cody can you pull over in that parking lot real quick. I wanna talk to you about something."  
Codys head turned to Noel for a second before turning back to the street and he did as Noel wanted.

"Let's talk about two weeks ago. Ask me things you wanna know, dude. You're being weird and I get why." Noel said honestly, leaning back against his window so he could face Cody better.

"I- I I don't know. Maybe when you decided to be gay? Or the real reason you broke up with Aleena? And and- I don't know." Cody sighed and let his head fall onto the steering wheel.  
Noel smiled.  
"First of all, I'm bi. I like woman like Aleena but I also like guys. The real reason was that.. I kinda catched feelings for a friend of Aleena and me. And she noticed so we paused for a while until I broke up." He looked on his hands. This was fucked, Cody thought.

"You never told me you're into guys, dude." - "But does it make a difference?" /I mean, it makes a difference if you eyefuck me in the club but uh./ "Of course not. You're still my bro. I love you, man." Cody said starting to smile a little. Suddenly there's a hand on Codys knee, he gulps before looking up. Into Noels eyes. His damn beautiful eyes. Stupid Noel and his perfect face, what does he want.  
"Thanks, Cody."  
Cody nods.

"Anything else?"

"When we were in the club right.. and you.. and I- that was that was weird but also" he pauses, searching in Noels eyes for any help. Then he gets confident suddenly. "But also pretty hot. Like dude.." he leans back into his seat, a breath escaping his lips when his head hits the headrest. He closes his eyes.  
"Yeah right." And suddenly Noels voice is right at his ear and he sounds so hot. Cody squeezes his eyes shut, afraid to open them just now.  
"You thought about kissing me, right?" His voice sounded so fucking raspy and gone, Cody knew if he turned his head he could just smash his lips into Noels; that's how close they were.  
He feels Noels hot breath on his neck, tickling down and then coming up to his ear again.  
"Cody" he trailed, "let me treat you, now." In reference to earlier. Cody sighed when he finally felt Noels lips on his neck, kissing up to his jaw bone and to the corner of his mouth. That's where he stopped.  
Cody opened his mouth, before he suddenly felt a weight on his legs and figured Noel just sat down on his side of the car. Alright.

And finally, finally, Noel connected their lips into a hot kiss. Cody didn't really know what he expected but it's just like kissing girls. With the only difference that Noel was kissing him. Noels lips were soft, a little plumper than his own. Codys hands came back to life and he brought them up to rake through Noels hair. Pressing him a little closer.  
Noels tongue was slowly dipping into his mouth, testing the waters, but Cody wasn't shy, right. So he pushed back with his own tongue, exploring Noels mouth. Brushing along his teeth and then back against Noels tongue.  
Cody really did his best not to moan on the spot, because he's been dreaming about this to happen. He smiled as Noel seemed to be picking up the pace between them a little, one hand wandering between them.

Noel seperated from Codys mouth who wanted to complain but as he felt him opening his belt and opening Codys jeans buttons he knew it's gonna be better.  
"Want me to suck your dick, Cody? 's that what you want?" Noels voice was deep, hung with lust, as he looked up into Codys eyes the latter just nodded fast.  
"Noel.." Cody trailed as Noels hand grabbed him through his underwear. Cody was hard. Which wasn't a surprise. Well, maybe it was thinking about the fact that he only ever had sex with women and only ever wanted to fuck women.  
He watched Noel opening the car door, before getting out and pulling Cody around. His legs put on the running board of his car, Noel going down on his knees between them.  
Helping Cody to push his pants down a little more so Noel had better access to his dick. Who was standing pretty proudly by himself between Codys legs.  
Noel licked his plush lips and looked up to Cody. He then proceeded to lick over his whole length and took his tip into his mouth. Cody shivered. "Fuck"  
His hand quickly made its way back into Noels hair, the other supporting his position by grabbing behind him into the seat.

Noel sure was good at this. Going slow at first, giving Cody some time. Licking up his whole length a few times, giving him some pumps with one of his hands before he finally let Codys whole dick slip between his lips.  
Cody exhaled, bucking his hips a little resulting in Noel pushing his hips down in the seat and holding him in place.

Noel then bobbed his head up and down just a tiny bit bit faster then before, not letting Cody go just yet. Although he could feel how close the younger man was.  
He used his hand again, rubbing and twirling it around Codys dick, his mouth only working on the tip. Tongue running over the slit, tasting all the precume that's already there. "Holy fuck"

Cody was squirming like crazy, Noel really had to keep him firm. His nails were even digging into Codys inner thighs. Noel let go of his dick and took him whole again, letting Cody hit the back of his throat a few times before releasing him with a plop. Noel needed a moment to catch his breath and looked up to Cody whos cheeks were flushed, eyes looking down on him.  
He gave Cody a peck on his thigh, before continuing and sucking his dick.

Cody suddenly grabbed his shoulders, throwing his head back a little. "Fuck, Noel" he groaned "I'm fucking close".  
So Noel picked up the pace and ran his tongue along his cock once more before using his hand to jerk him off fast. Cody moaned, grabbing the steering wheel hard. "Oh fuck Noel, Noel"  
Mouth open and ready, he took everything Cody released onto his lips and tongue, even partly his face.

Noel licked him clean after he swallowed everything and neatly put him back into his underwear. He then used the fabric of the shirt Cody was wearing, to wipe his face clean.

"Fuck, hey" Cody complained but felt weak to the bone, too exhausted to complain further more. Noel got up and smiled. He was about to walk around the car when Cody grabbed him and pulled him onto his lap.  
"Noel, that prolly was the best blowjob I ever had" he confessed and Noel laughed. "Thanks, you're welcome to return the favor."  
Noel planted a soft kiss onto Codys sweaty forehead.

Cody cuddled Noel closer to himself and laid his head on Noels shoulder. The position was slightly awkward, but Noel found it cute somehow.  
"Aw, the big Cody Ko is a cuddle after sex typa guy. Cute." Cody sighed annoyed at Noels comment. "Fuck off, man." But Noel didn't he instead drew his hand through Codys undercut, moving with the short hair there and calming Codys heartbeat.

About ten minutes later Cody was fully dressed again and Noel was seated on the drivers seat. Because Cody was to fucked to drive, to be honest.

They were back to normal, as if nothing happened and Cody didn't know if he liked that. It would be weird again, right?

*

Fuck, was he right. Of course wouldn't it get any better after that. It got worse.  
So much to the point where Cody would've done anything to just feel Noels lips on his again. Really anything.  
But after that blowjob nothing really happened between them anymore, besides longing looks and sometimes a hand lingering too long on each others thighs.

Only the two of them dancing around each other on tippy toes as if Noel didn't literally suck Cody off.  
But for Cody this was still a huge deal. He was with Kelsey, still. And he basically cheated on her with his best friend. And he's also falling for Noel more and more, making it hard to contain a steady relationship with Kelsey.

He had to tell her sooner or later. Because if they kept on this game, Cody would lose it. He wanted to be with Noel, but he was afraid to admit it.

It was in the same club again, where Cody just couldn't take it anymore.  
Basically what happened was that Cody got shitfaced, started flirting with Noel and Noel wanted to go home.  
Then suddenly Codys lips were on his, moving as confident as last time and feeling a little too wet for Noels liking, but hey. This is as close as it gets to last time, right?  
They weren't even making out that hard, Codys brain was way to gone for that Noel noticed. He really should've gone home.  
And then a hand grabbed into Noel's shoulder from behind, pulling him away from Cody before the same hand hit Cody pretty hard through the face.

Kelsey was crying. And Noel wanted to say something but it would only make it worse.  
Cody was holding his cheek, mouth standing open and his eyes teary.

"Kelsey- I"  
"No, no 'Kelsey, I'. Listen Cody I knew you and Noel were close but if you decide to be with him then have the guts to break up with me, asshole!" She wiped with her hand through her eyes before turning around.

"I don't wanna be with him, I.. I wanna be with you, Kels!" Cody yelled, sober now.

Noel stepped back a little.  
This hit hard. This didn't feel like the slap Cody received, this felt like a punch in the throat and into the stomach. Just awful. Painful, really.  
Noel watched Cody walk after Kelsey and leave him in the crowd, close to crying.  
He didn't know what to do but pulled out his phone and called Spock.

"Yo, dude it's 3am-" "I know and I'm sorry, 'right. Can we talk maybe.. I need to rant. I- fuck" He looked up, not wanting the tears building in his eyes to roll down his face.  
"Yeah yeah.. Where are you? Let's meet at your place. I'll be there in 10." Noel nodded, whispering a short "Okay." into the phone before hanging up.

The cold air burned in his lungs, and on his hot cheeks from crying. He wanted to smoke. But since Aleena, he stopped. No intention to start again.  
Fidgeting for the apartment keys in his pocket, he found Spock already sitting in front of the entry door. Waiting for him.  
The man stood up and went to greet him with a handshake but saw how miserably he looked and decided to go for a hug.

Noel wasn't a crybaby. He once cried three days when he was 8 and then never again. He's not a pussy.  
But the way Cody ripped out his heart and stomped onto it in the club was an emergency.  
He sobbed as soon as Spocks arms closed around him. Ugly sobbing, like a child almost, tears streaming down his face and throat hurting.

When they sat down in Noels kitchen, Noel went to get some water for them.

"So then.. go on. What happened?"

And then after hesitating at first Noel opened up and told Spock everything. From Aleena and their breakup, to Cody being the reason and the blowjob he gave him after Cody finally gave in, ending with today.  
Spock was at a loss of words. Looking at Noel as if he told him about an alien abduction or something.

"You sucked Codys dick? The Cody? That straight guy with girlfriend? That Cody Ko?" Spock asked and Noel nodded. "He wanted it."

"That's fucked up." Noel gave him a scared look suddenly unsure if Spock was the right person to talk to about that.  
"Cody obviously likes you flirting with him.. and he's not to aversed of the thought of you two, right? He likes you.. Everyone knows that. But I never thought he'd like you that way."

"Yeah, me neither. He kissed me tonight. Okay, maybe he was drunk but when Kelsey came he was like: oops sorry Noel but I'm straight haha. And I didn't know what to say actually.. I'm so so hurt? He fucked me up." Noel let his head fall into his hands, leaning against the table.  
Spock patted his back.  
" 's gonna get better. Cody needs to set his priorities. It's either you or Kelsey."

"I wish he would just break up with her."

  
On the other side, Cody wasn't feeling any better than Noel.  
Kelsey had left the flat to sleep over at a friend and currently Cody was curled up in his bed, crying.

He wasn't even unhappy about Kelsey leaving, but he was unhappy about himself. He fucked everything up.  
His perfect relationship with his dreamgirl to his friendship with the best dude on earth.  
Sniffing a few times into the fabric under his head, he cried out.

Why couldn't he just keep it in his pants. Why did he have to respond to Noels flirting in the first place? Cody was stupid.  
He felt horrible.  
And that all because Noel had to be gay. All because he was making out with a stranger in a club and Cody felt jealous. Why? Because Noel is stupid and maybe Cody was too.  
The way Noel kissed him was just so wrong. But it felt so good! But maybe only because Cody wanted it to feel good.

He pulled his phone from the nightstand to himself.  
He opened the chatroom with Noel and started messaging.

**You** to **Noel**; 04:27 am  
Fuck you noel  
Kelsey hates me she wants to break up  
Why did you kiss me why why why why  
Why do you look so good why do you make me feel things kelsey didnt  
I hate you  
Dont ever talk to me ever again  
I dont wanna see you anymore

Cody fell asleep out of exhaustion.  
He didn't

Waking up he had several text messages to answer.

  
He didn't sleep well. But this wasn't a _I drank too much and now my body is weird _kinda bad sleep; no. This was him being awake but unconscious at the same time. Eyes closed, head open. He wanted to talk to Noel about what happened. Wanted to talk to Kelsey about his behaviour. Maybe even finding a reason together with her because after all.. Kelsey was his second half. His counter part. Maybe even his soulmate. She always knew what was going on with Cody, but now.. Not even he knew.  
He didn't dream tonight.  
Apart from the emptiness he felt, nothing happened.

And waking up wasn't better either. He felt like dying was the only option he had left. Loosing so important people in your life in such a short amount of time sure left its scratches.

Taking his phone from where he left it, he wanted to curse himself. It didn't charge over night. So with the little percentage left - 5% to be exactly - he read the messages he received.

**Babe** 💕 to **You**; 09:27 am  
Hey cody, i'm picking up my stuff tomorrow. Please be so nice and put it together for me, yeah? See you.

**Spock** to **You**; 04:47 am  
Noel told me to not message you but honestly what the fuck Cody.  
What the fuck is wrong with you

And finally he got to Noels messages.

**Noel** to **You**; 12:34 pm  
Playing with my feelings doesn't make me the asshole cody ko  
i was there, i loved you and you put that and threw it away but honestly i dont care anymore you can literally go to hell  
And maybe before you do that: admit to yourself that you arent fucking straight

  
_Because playing with peoples feelings makes you the asshole, Cody. _Oh yeah, thanks, I know._ You're welcome._

  
He cried reading that message. His heart aching and head burning. This wasn't right. Noel wasn't allowed to tell the truth. Cody wasn't gay. He just wasn't! All his life he's only ever been with girls.  
Only Noel sparked that kind of interest in him. And Noel made everything so much more complicated than any other girl.  
Okay, so Noel told him that he was bisexual. Maybe Cody was bi too? That felt easy to admit.

He wanted to call Noel. Tell him that he's figured himself out and wanted him. He wanted Noel. Forever, at least right now. He wanted to spend the entire day with him cuddling, watching Netflix, doing shit and be happy. He needed Noel.

After a while he fought the urge to call Noel and left him some space. He wanted it.

Kelsey picked up her stuff the following week and Cody felt lonely more and more. She didn't talk a lot during the time she was there. Most of the time she even brought one of her friends because she felt so awkward around Cody.  
When everything Kelsey had every left in his apartment was gone Cody noticed how cold his room looked. They had started a photowall together and Kelsey picked out all of her photos to take them with her. So now the wall looked like a cheddar cheese.  
He noticed a few picture with Noel and took one he really like off of the wall. Putting it into the back of his phonecase.  
It was cheesy, yeah. But Cody needed at least something that had Noel in it close to himself. Because he couldn't forget him. And he didn't want to.

*

About a month later Spock invited him to his birthday party. Cody would be lying if he said he wasn't super excited for it.  
Because Noel would be there. The Noel he hadn't seen for a while.

So he had to look good. Not to impress anyone but Noel of course.  
In the end he chose a simple red hoodie, some black distressed jeans and, of course, some pair of converse chucks. He put on his cologne and deodorant, made his hair into a not so big mess and went out.

Arriving at Spocks party location he was greeted by already partying people. It was barely after 11pm, after all Spock said Cody could come whenever he wanted too.

He greeted the celebrating man with a soft and long hug, they sorted stuff out earlier. Cody told him his sight of the things and Spock just said that he should go his way without hurting Noel again.  
Speaking of Noel, "Miller's somewhere in the back with Aleena.". Aleena? Cody opened his mouth ready to question but then said nothing. Were they dating again? What was happening?  
He felt not so confident and sure about himself anymore at all.  
Walking over to the bar he ordered himself something hard to drink, before Spock announced that everyone at the bar was getting free shots.  
Great.  
Cody felt like shit. Was Noel really dating Aleena again? He felt his stomach turn at the thought and downed the shot to entwirl it eventually.  
Spock suddenly threw an arm around Codys shoulder, the other up in the air. "Let's all have fun!"  
He ordered himself and Cody some Tequila shots. Spock put some salt onto the back of Codys hand and then did the same to himself.  
Licking the salt off of the hand, then downing the shot of Tequila and biting into the lemon to end it, Cody felt the burning liquid go down his throat.  
Spock shook his head and laughed, bringing Cody closer to him. "Have fun, Cody. Don't you dare and be sad!" He warned jokingly and Cody laughed it off. Yeah, of course.

About half an hour later, Cody finally had enough in his system to feel confident and look for Noel.  
He was dancing with Aleena, so Cody straight up walked over to them. He grabbed Noels wrist and yanked him behind him whilest walking to a quieter corner.  
When he turned around, he saw that Noel was about to say something. And judging by his angry face, Cody better be quick to reply first.

"I missed you, Noel. I think I know what you meant with your message now." He gulped and looked around. Everyone was having fun. His eyes stopped at Noels.  
"I love you" Cody then bubbled out in all honesty and Noel started laughing.  
"I mean it! I want you Noel, I'm only here for you." Noel was still laughing, holding his belly. "Oh yeah? Where's Kelsey?"  
Cody gave him a confused look.  
"We broke up the day after she slapped me in the club. We aren't together anymore."  
And then Noel stopped. Looking at Cody in all seriousness.  
He moved a little closer to Cody and Cody was so ready to be even closer to him, so he moved too.  
After Noel still wasn't doing anything, Cody put his hands on Noel's shoulders.  
He licked his lips and closed his eyes for a second. Before leaning in to kiss Noel, Noel took a step back again.

"Listen.. Cody, I" he rubbed his head, trying to cover how nervous he suddenly got. "I can't do this. Again. I don't wanna get hurt by you like before.. like, fuck. You just led me on and played with my feelings and now I'm supposed to fall onto my knees and be happy that you supposedly "love" me?" He continued and was almost mocking Cody at the end. "This is shit. And you know it."  
Cody nodded, still looking into Noels face. Searching for his eyes, but never finding them.

Noel sighed.

"I don't even know if I wanna.. if I can be friends with you anymore.. sorry."

And then Noel left.  
He fucking left Cody standing there like the fool he was. Cody watched Noel walk back to Aleena, who took him into her arms and gave Cody a sad look.

Cody didn't know what else happened on that evening. He went home after what went down between him and Noel.  
Getting turned down hurt.  
But it probably didn't hurt as bad as Cody hurt Noel.  
Fuck, he really was the worst.

He didn't deserve Noel at all. Not in the slightest.

Scrolling through instagram he decided to do a live.  
It was currently 3am and he still wasn't as sober as he should be.  
Not many fans were watching.  
7219 at the moment.

And then he suddenly started rambling after a fan asked when TMG would go on the next tour again.  
"Dunno really. If Noel wants to anymore.. he like.. I don't know." Sitting up in his bed he put the phone on his nightstand to look at it from a sitting position.  
"'_Did something happen between you and Noel?_' A fucking lot, haha." He looked down on his hands.  
"Guys what do y'all if you just got rejected by someone you love but hurt pretty bad in the past? Like.. Noel looked so fucking hurt and I'm so sorry and I really tried but maybe I'm not good enough, you know? Maybe I never was."

"_Try to talk to him?_ I don't even know what to say... i said I'm sorry but it wasn't enough. And I understand why! Because I'm stupid and because I rejected him first and I led him on and shit"

Taking the phone from the nighstand he laid down in his bed again on his side. Not talking for a while just reading what the fans said. In his head he somewhere knew that this was wrong and he shouldn't have made it public.

But he felt so alone.

"Why do I feel so lonely I have you guys with me right now it doesn't make sense." He sighed.

Cody looked tired. And he wanted it to stop. He wanted his aching heart to shut up and let him breathe. Take the air in his lungs and release it. Let go of the breath he was holding but he couldn't.

"Guys.. I fucked up so bad. So bad" Cody didn't cry often. Especially not in public or with strangers around. But this.. he couldn't hold it in.

"I can't anymore" he sobbed, pathetically and depressed. "I miss my best friend, I miss Kelsey, I miss Noel, I miss him so much. I miss how it was before all this" he slurred into his hands and let go of the phone.  
Not noticing his fans spamming and telling him to keep calm. That things would get better.  
But for Cody there wasn't anything good at the moment. There was only pain and hurt.

He looked up suddenly and turned to his phone.

"Bye guys. Thanks for that.. Love yall" He ended the instagram live and threw his phone away somewhere on the bed.

Getting up from his bed he opened his balcon door to let in some fresh air.  
He went outside and sat on one of the chairs. Watching the sun slowly rise up from its sleep.

A slight knock on the glass door made his head turn.  
Noel.  
Noel?  
He wasn't panicking. Cody instead turned back to the skyline and watched the stars fade.

Silence sank between them before Noel suddenly spoke.  
"Gotta be honest.. if it weren't for Aleena and for her trust in you I wouldn't sit here." A hit in the guts right away. "Because for me.. I am done, you know? I did my suffering. I coped with what happened. I tried at least." He said, honest. "I loved you."  
Cody didn't dare to look at Noel after the other said it. "I really did and I still do.. somehow. But you kissing me and then almost yelling into my face that you don't want me but Kelsey hurt me. And it pulled me back into reality, you know?" Cody didn't know. "Because it made me wake up from my little fantasy of you and me being something I really wanted us to be. But we weren't, right. You still love Kelsey. You always did. And I know you.. it doesn't just take you a snap and boom you like someone else. You are weak, Cody. You fall for people in the cheesy romantic way and not in having a crush for two minutes and then being ready to offer your life for them."  
"Maybe I changed?" Cody finally interrupted Noels monologue.  
"Oh yeah? Then tell me.. How? Because I still see the dorky, straight Cody Ko everyone falls immediately for." Noel scoffs.  
Cody furrows his brows.

"I'm not straight, like.. We did things, alright, that don't make me straight anymore. And I hate fucking labels, I hate them, Noel. I hate them. I don't want to label myself." - "Because you're afraid they might be true, huh?" - "Yeah but that's okay! I discovered something with you, my best friend, my bestest friend.. the only one I ever could imagine me discovering it with.. that made me feel okay. I never felt conplete with Kelsey but with you-"  
"See that's what I mean. Cheesy." Noel rolled his eyes and Cody was getting mad.

"Yeah and?! Noel I literally waited one month for you to finally see me again, then I find out that you may be dating Aleena again and that you suddenly don't want me anymore when all I did was give you the space you wanted!" He stands up from his chair.  
"You know how much it hurted?! Seeing you having fun and me sitting here thinking when you'd tell me that it's time? That we could talk? Me confessing to you earlier wasn't just because of me being impulsive." He turned to Noel.  
"It was because I really fucking love you, alright! Get that into your stupid head because I won't say it again."

Noel kissed him. Taking his head into his hands, pulling him towards him and crashing their lips together.

Noel put his own hand on Codys waist, pressing him against his chest.  
The kissing was slow. Not hungry, no rush. Just passion and love packed between them. Noel broke the kiss suddenly and pulled Cody into a hug, placing his head on Codys shoulder. "Fuck you, Cody" Was he crying? What the fuck! "No, no, no! Don't cry please-" Cody said quiet and put Noels face into his hands. Noels eyes were shaking, tears in the corners of them. "If you cry I'll cry, you idiot" Codys thumbs were brushing over Noels cheeks, soft and slow. Noels sad expression changed into a pretty smile, one that Cody had missed so bad. Noel gave Cody a peck on the lips, before replying: "Call me idiot again and I'll go home"  
They hugged. Noel initiating it again and Cody curling his arms around his waist.

This was far from perfect but right now it was all he wanted.  
And they could always work on things to make them perfect. As long as he had Noel, of course.

**Author's Note:**

> haha in the og version there was smut but :D in no way i'm putting smut here just does not fit into the situation at all.
> 
> so yeahhh this is my first time uploading in years i had to even make a new account i think i'm dying. Leave some criticisms or idk hate ig for this i wont blame u  
bear with me im a foreigner ùwú


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